Funny Jokes!

Monday Blues

Monday must be the most horrible of days.

The reasons it's horrible are too horrible to say.

But with that said, I'll try to explain

Why Monday must bring us oh so much pain.

You see on Monday, you work with a frown.

The full work week ahead has gotten you down.

The weekend has come, and the weekend has passed,

And like all weekends it just didn't last.

But Monday sure lasts, it lasts so long.

You keep checking your watch to see what's wrong.

But against your wishes your watch is just fine.

Against your wishes you can't speed up time.

So you sit and you wait and you pretend to work.

You dream of a boss that isn't a jerk.

But then you wake up and you almost cry.

You wish and you wish that the day would just die.

But wait, please listen, don't worry my friend.

For one thing is certain, all Mondays must end.

Now that it's been said, I'll say it again.

More Mondays will come and more Mondays will end.

The Yoga Help

A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails

down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga to ease her nervousness. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

One day her friend stopped her and noticing her long, groomed nails asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.

"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."

New Style Love Letter

My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda) , after WIPRO (Applying Thought) so much ,I dare to say that You are my TVS SCOOTY (First love) and my AIWA (Pure passion). I always BPL (Believe in the best) and you are SANSUI (Better than the best). You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering a million smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously fresh) feeling for me.

I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The Unshakable) and my father who is CEAT (Born Tough) but don't worry as I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATORS (The Coolest ones).

If they say no, we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Let's Make Things Better). They will feel MIRINDA (Zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in COCA COLA (Jo chahe ho jaye). For our marriage SAMSUNG DIGITALL (Everyone's Invited) and after marriage we'll become WHIRLPOOL (U and ME - The World's best homemakers)

Trust in God who's always NOKIA (Connecting people) who love each other. And we are WILLS (Made for each other) . Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (Real taste of life), SATYAM ONLINE (Fun, Fast, Easy) and PARX (Always Comfortable). So never forget me. Ok bye!

I wrote little but PEPSI (Yeh dil mange more).

LG (Digitally Yours) !!!!!

bye bye

The Suspecting Wife

A farmer's wife was terribly jealous. Evening after evening, she subjected her husband to a searching inspection. When she would find even a single hair on his coat, there would be a terrible scene!

One night, she found nothing."So" she screamed, "Now it's a bald-headed woman!"

Truth About 6 Weeks, 6 Months, 6 years,

Dating process:6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.

6 months : Of course I love U.

6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.

6 months : BACK!!

6 years : What did your mom cook for us today?

Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.

6 months : I bought you a painting, it would in the living room.

6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something

Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.

6 months : Here, for you.

6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!

6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?

6 years : AGAIN!

God's Best Creation :- Mother

This is a truly BEAUTIFUL piece please

For those lucky to still be blessed with your Mom,

this is beautiful. For those of us who aren't, this is

even more beautiful. For those who are moms, you'll love this.

The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."

But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."

Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."

And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."

And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage.Today, I 've given them strength."

And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children gropedand stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said,"This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the endis better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them."

And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see herbut she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence......."

Your Mother is always with you.... She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space... not even death!

Interesting Definations

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays. 

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degreeand a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he gotcaught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Chemistry Of Life

If u find chemistry a bore,
take few drops of H2SO4.

If u want to be free & light,
taste a bit of potassium cyanide.

If u want to go to hell,
drink a bottle of Hcl.

If u want to get rid of ur life,
take a bottle dose of P2O5.

To make some bricks,
mix sand wid C2H6.

To lose ur weight,
smell a little C3H8.

Don't go to the bed,
Otherwise every bit of Chemistry
will come out of ur head.

Written by:- Honey Goenka, Hathras

Japaneis Eating Human Babies....The Real Face Of Japan

The Real Face Of Japan

Hi Friends, Hope you all co- operate in eradicating this evil thing

with regards to

what you are going to witness here is a fact. don't get scared !

"It's Japan's Hottest Food"

In Japan, dead babies & fetuses could be bought at 10000 - 12000 yen

From hospitals to meet the high demand grilled & barbecued babies.

what a sad state !! Please forward this message to as many people as you can

so that it can be seen by the world and some one takes action on the same . It is a thing against human race and unless we people of the world put hand to hand to eradicate this Custom . This will no end. Even the word impossible says i m possible. So friends hope you spread this message as far as you can.